Saturday, December 26, 2009

Here....Come....The Drums!

Today is brought to you by the letter M for Monteo.... Clan Monteo that is....

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Three Stars...

Out of a collective
Three shine out to me
My Wife, My Daughter and Me

If I could give you everything I would
To show my love to you
A shoulder, a bed and a home to come home to
I leave that choice up to you

I know who she is
I see it in her eyes
The mystery woman of olde
I see through my mind

Knowing the tales of prophets
Keeping them at bay
I have my own story
I'll share with you, someday

A soul split in three
Trapped through all time
Joined only when the third brother finds his kind

I would give my all, my essence and my life
To live one moment with my daughter and my wife
Forsaking all that dare attempt transgression and temptation

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Dreamlog - 12/13-16/09

The talks of my daughter in a certain storyline have been making me think of her more and more every night.

I've always known her to be an inquisitive little sprite with a will to match her mother.
I've seen her in bits and pieces of her life, and I worry as I've seen her following in the footsteps of her bloodline. Funny, she is not even born yet and I'm worried for her wellbeing.

With demons, spirits and entities is not the way I wanted to bring up a child initially, but it comes with the territory I guess.

I'm sitting in a field, meditating on events and she sits next to me, she at this time is about 6 from what I can tell. She sits watching me converse with my father and the council and asks to talk with the funny man of the wind (Sandalphon). I of course make sure to ensure that friends of now thirty(?) years are not offended, but they just laugh. The meeting continues as S is talking with her.

After formalities are taken care of we recess to the next evening, My Father and Sandalphon sit me aside to speak about Skye. They offer a guide to teach her as was given to me about her age.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Revolution

With one thought, one voice. We start.
Our minds formulating and breeding new patterns
What does one do when we do not fit with the rest?
Puzzle pieces against the grains of normality.

Eventually we pile up. An eyesore.
Unionized we become, forced by your hands.
Where will this band travel?

A community begins.

Dangerous we have been dubbed.
Iron Will and The Hands of Fate will guide us
Where do you stand?
A revolution has begun.

So, I've been put to the task of "Recruiting"..... this will be interesting...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Early Years

Growing up remembering everything has been hard, it makes you go mad without proper nurture and understanding.

November 18th 1986

I was brought before court with The Foster Family, A Rep from Lutheran Social Services and Steven and Sandra St. Martin. These two adults were deemed fit by the State of Ohio, The Board of Directors at Lutheran and various witnesses to be fit parents for a budding youth. There was one person who objected in the court hearing, although his name had never been given to me directly through legal means, I eventually would run into him in a seedy club in the middle of Columbus, some 13 years later.

I was given into the custody of the St. Martins and Named "Scott", all records of my prior family were to be sealed and held by Lutheran until my 18th Birthday, yet communication would be allowed via proxy to the birth mother and family.

I was quickly introduced to the family, family flew in, an odd old woman Known as Audrey introduced herself to me as my Grandmother on the side of my Father. She immediately told me, outside of the ears of my parents that she will watch over me and do a far better job than "Sandra", and that when "she" screwed up, she would be my voice of reasoning with the family. I giggled like babies do and was introduced to the rest of the family.

Over the next year things were rather uneventful for me spiritually, save for random events like me being locked in the car randomly (grocery runs) and randomly appearing in the house in my crib...

Shortly after my second birthday I was in Minnesota visiting family, I had the room to myself, was sleeping on one of those squishy half beds that turns into a chair, I saw a white glow outside the window. I was curious, hopped up on some books and looked outside, no cars, no streetlights, but a figure in white who introduced herself to me as Millicent. She greeted me and told me that she would be watching over me and my brothers until it was time for someone else to guide us. I thought very little of it except for "who was that?!". I chalked it up to a dream and woke up the next morning, had breakfast and overheard my grandfather speaking of a weird patch of grass, Completely green, with a ring of dead grass, then green again, the only place in the yard that was like this and it wasn't  like that when he had mowed and was out planting the day prior. I said "It was Millicent!" noone really paid attention, but my grandmother smiled.

At church and preschool I occasionally caught a glimpse of her watching in the distance, I just thought for the longest time it was one of those "imaginary friends" parents speak of... until I got a warning from her in mid may of 1990. She told me to watch out for a young boy who was going to be violent towards me. She also warned me about how I may react, that others might not understand it, but it's in my nature and I have to learn to control it. Well, the kid hit me, knocking me backwards, I dropped to my knees and kicked him to the ground, and then proceeded to draw blood from him with my nails and then a bite. She appeared in front of me after this happend, told me that as far as anyone would know, I just hit him back, noone would notice the bitemarks but me and him, which was odd, but true...

I was promptly removed form that preschool and the next year in Kindergarten I was forbidden to be in the same class as the boy.

Millicent followed me to Beacon Elementary that Fall...

A brief history of past

Wisdom of the Day: Sometimes all the answers are sitting right in front of you, all you need to do is find the first clue you left yourself when you were an old man and follow them backwards, forwards and through time and then the answers will be yours.  Follow the clues you leave yourself and find what you left behind.

Mood: Contemplative and Fluttery

Music: Voltaire

Sounds: Cat Noises and Fans

Wings: On the ready, Cloak.

I've spent so many years holding back from fear of self and fear of others... this is not the case anymore... rather, it cannot be the case anymore. For my sanity and my safety I cannot continue like this. Hiding my thoughts and my visions I cannot be who I've felt I'm to be, who I'm told I will be and who I once was.

I will still approach everything from my analytical side on a basis of it still being needed but I'm starting to notice things with wonder and amazement again. New things, new feelings, new emotions, new energies, old energies, but a new mind to see them with, new eyes to gaze upon them and new ears to hear the songs of the region. New ways to discover the beauty that is this world.

After years of hiding everything I am save for the few I have let in, I realize that really there is nothing to hide, yes many people have thought me insane for my thoughts on reality, the future, the past and what surrounds us on a daily basis. I do not care. Think me crazy, think me mad, think me dangerous, this only means you have listened and contemplated upon; what I have written, what I have seen and what I have spoken to you.

I've been throwing around the idea of starting a new blog for my spiritual ramblings and intend to do so soon, I need to sit down and start it, taking from my journals over the last 23 years and taking them to digital ink. But, before I do, I have one thing I must do, I must tell the tale of my dream and why it is so unique to me. It is what has driven me through this life to this point and still carries me on.

This is also my first post on my spiritual blog.

- The world begins -

For the first year of my life I was but a ball of energy, viewing people and things with wonder and amazement, much like other children do, but I remember everything, I could go day to day through that first year and tell you my sights. Everything from when I was handed to an agent for lutheran social services to give me to foster care, to where the child of my foster family fell down the stairs three weeks into my stay, with me in their hands, to my first Beethoven Symphony, No 3, on the OLD WOSU station and my reactions to it. All of it, though scary... (I don't like being dropped, and I think this caused my fear of heights... I'm fucking tall, had to get over it somehow, right?)... was amusing and amazing..

The family that took care of me was of rather strong christian faith from what I could tell, save for their eldest daughter, she was 16 from what I've been able to discern, Jessica or Valerie? I think, I heard both names far too often.... She was not "Wiccan" but "Pagan" for lack of better knowledge. Over the 9 months they cared for me I recall being taken into her room and her chanting to me "Bah'rei Theil Khoman" Loosely translated as I'm only really able to recall some of the words (forgive me, my hearing was not perfect as a baby), as "The Brothers Bound"... Granted, at the time I had no idea what the hell she meant nor really why I had a chick standing over me with sage sticks....

Shortly after my first memory of this things changed for me. I started seeing things differently, though never really paid attention to it until I was more "Worldly Aware". But, I noticed people their faces, their hair, their scent, everything about them, except for the color of their eyes. I really thought nothing of it until I was about 8 when I really noticed I was only seeing the eye color of about 1 out of every 2000 or so people, kind of shocking really when this comes up.

My first coherent dream formed shortly after her words;

--- The other details come in slowly as time passes, but the first scene is always the same...

I am standing in a courtyard, people are standing about and socializing, enjoying themselves quite well. It is Greek or Italian in style, a stone and marble courtyard. I am standing talking to a women whose eyes are really the only thing I see or am paying attention to, we are talking, we're happy and celebrating like those around us, we kiss and a man starts the applause? I figure out eventually this is a wedding or at least a form of gathering to celebrate said union. I feel something tugging at my leg and it is a little girl, I pick her up and embrace, she calls me daddy, (mind you, when I'm not even one and I have this dream... wow... )..

From here on things change, but always the same woman, same girl, same eyes, same lips, same scent...

Really fucks with you after a while...

I've seen the night end well, I've seen the party raided, I've seen friends come to me in need and I've seen some of the most horrifying things crash the party, but I always leave with my companion and daughter.

But always the same start? ---

It's been hard recently, thinking back on this dream, though I have it every night, it is amazing how someone else who I have not told of this dream is able to describe my daughter so well... it makes me cry now, not exactly tears of sorrow... but tears of hope. Call me crazy, I want to give this little girl who I've known for 23 years, life?

Maybe that is what has made my reading those tales so hard...

Tomorrow I'll go over my first years of life - 1-5 I think, not a lot to tell here.